i just wanna soil my oats bro
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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