he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
