I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
