Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
