I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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