I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
