i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
