I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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