that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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