I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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