i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
