Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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