i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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