I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
