Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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