just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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