grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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