he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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