I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
