She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
