The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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