so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I understand Curling. That high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
