So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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