we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
