I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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