I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found puke in my bra..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
