how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
