Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
