One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
