Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
3 2 1 whiskey
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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