you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
