I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The Olympian is in my bed
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
