..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
