i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
