if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
