You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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