Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
