You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
