just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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