porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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