Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
