I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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