i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
