I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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