Whod you bang
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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