She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
And then he peed in my hair
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