Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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