I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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