guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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