1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
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I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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