When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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