If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize