I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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