And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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