I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
