I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
