I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
