I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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