Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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