Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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