hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize