This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
