i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
