and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
