Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
