My liver just broke up with me...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
